Loss is an illuminating experience. It shows, in a stark light, the good and the bad. Loss lays before you memories and moments. It shows you the time you saw them smile at you when they didn’t think you could see, and you remember how dearly you love their smile. It shows you the time you held each other, listening to music to fall asleep, and your body warms recalling how sweet and tender that moment was. It shows you these moments that make your heart break over and over with yearning – to just hold them again, to talk long into the night, to see them laugh with the twinkle of love in their eye.
You also see, however, the time you screamed at each other, until red in the face, over something not worth the breath, and you ask yourself how could you have been angry at someone so perfect.
For me, the good outweighs the bad. The bad, those hurtful, spiteful recollections, try so hard to make themselves known, to make themselves the most important part of the loss. They are nothing. The good is everything, and that is why loss hurts.
I remember the good.
I mourn the good.
The good made me feel loved.
And I want that back.