I always forget how black space is. It doesn’t matter if I’m planet-side for months or hours, whenever I get back into it, I am always amazed at how black space truly is. There’s the black of the night sky with its slight glow from the stars, there’s the black of an ocean at midnight reflecting moonlight; but space is blacker than them all. Even with stars strewn across the fabric of the universe like diamonds, the blackness of space swallows any ambient light they cast and leaves a void where nothing exists.
I won’t lie, it scares me. Such complete nothingness sends phantom shivers throughout my body. If I stare too long I begin to panic.
‘What a fool I am.’ my thoughts say, ‘You’re just meat and bones in a metal can hurtling yourself willingly straight into that emptiness. You will die.’
I guess I am and I guess I will. The fear galvanises me to do it. That precious fear, so real and vivid and possible. The fear that masks the true reason for my endeavours.
If I reach that blackness, if I manage to get to that point where nothing at all exists, maybe it won’t find me.
‘You can try.’ a malicious voice whispered into my mind, ‘But you’ll find me there waiting for you.’